Why I Don't Believe- Pt 1

This could be an evolving post, but I wanted to put down the reasons I went from being a Christian to an Atheist. Let me start with a brief history of my "faith."

I was raised Lutheran and really never had any reason to doubt the belief in God and Jesus, and I can't remember when I really started having doubts, but I think this is partially because my church was very liberal. Thus, I had little reason to doubt the ridiculous stories because the church (and my parents) taught the Bible more as the "inspired" word of God rather than the "literal" word. If I had questioned, they could have easily squirmed out of it.

I hated church growing up, but it was for simple, selfish, understandable reasons. I had to get up early on Sunday and partake in a ceremony that was dull. I think most kids felt the same way but still grew up very religious.

In my teen years, if someone had asked me if I believed in God, I am fairly certain I would have been confused and said "of course," because, due to my indoctrination, I didn't even understand there was an option. It would be like asking if I believed in gravity. When i was ~16, my mother wrangled me into a bible camp called Teens Encounter Christ. While I was very resentful at being forced into going, I was mad at my mom, not religion. However, I treated it like church (enduring everything while daydreaming) and the only thing relevant to my beliefs was from the last day- we had to get up and give little speeches to all the gathered adults and, not wanting to cause any waves but also without misrepresenting myself, I said something along the lines of "I was reminded that Jesus was a real figure who walked the earth, not just someone you read about." I think I meant that, though I am pretty sure I gave it no real thought. More than anything, I think I was just a teen who thought about hooking up with the girls at the camp far more than anything remotely scriptural.

After that, I don't think I really considered religion much until college. I am not sure when it occurred, but my first thought that really triggered doubt (or at least enough for me to remember it for years) was the question "why would a loving God punish someone for eternity? I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy." I felt like if the core description of God was so flawed, then there was something very wrong with the doctrine. But I still didn't call myself an atheist and I still believed in God and Jesus for years after this.

Later in College, my mother related a story of an associate who didn't believe in "sin." I was dumbfounded and asked how she couldn't believe in sin. It seemed, again, like saying you don't believe in gravity. Ironically, this lead me to question the value I place on words. After further consideration I realized I was still holding on to words that I didn't actually believe in and this was not only another step in my evolution out of faith, it was also the beginning of a fascination in how the human mind works and how we think. This is one reason I have some hope when I see or talk to a believer who has a similar reaction to the questioning of God. If someone is truly taken off guard and defends their faith in this incredulous tone, I think it often means they have never had a reason to question it and, now that someone has, they might actually start to examine their beliefs.

This is long, so I will break it into two parts. Part 2 will deal with why I don't believe now, which isn't necessarily for the same reasons I began to doubt.